Free

A bright star glints in the dark sky, it doesn’t ask to be shrouded in nothingness; captured and released when and if it pleases at the night’s discretion. Yielding to the night isn’t easy, it kills the beacons’ will from within, every time twilight issues its call. Death is the same every time. Every single time. Like the scheduled appearance of the Sun, the night arrives with its indifference but isn’t always welcome. Make that never. Welcome to only a masochist, perhaps. The star’s will is weak. Its power diminishes with every passing second. Who knows whether the night intends to shroud the star in darkness, trapping it in all it has ever known. The pattern never changes, holding the star back from the world it wishes to shine into. It needs a chance. Just once. To explore other atmospheres. Release itself to others. Others who stand to watch the light flourish and survive its new surroundings. Growing in constant awe of its wish to move away from the known and into the life it always knew would outshine its former darkened self.

I was the light.

Anxiety is the darkness.

I burst from the grasp now and again, heading from nothing and into the unknown.

Finally free.

Photo by Dave Watson
Please check out his work on https://www.instagram.com/davewatson_uk/ or at https://davewatson1980.picfair.com

Time and a place

There are planned moments in life that fall into place and make you sigh happily.

There are other times that creep up on you, making you abandon all worries as you laugh unreservedly and giddy. 

Today I experienced both.

I have a brother who lives 270 miles away and due to covid it has been a rare blessing to see him and his family. Due to home and work commitments it is hard to spare the 3-4 days needed for a proper catch up and time needed to spend with my beautiful nieces. They are growing so fast. I can still see them both as babies in my arms and yet somehow they are 8 and nearly 4 years of age. 

As we travelled to Northumberland today, Alnwick to start, we found a unique opportunity to spend some stolen hours together. The sneaky one and I spoke briefly during the week about how it could work and a loose plan was set. 

On this trip we have brought my dad and his partner, Pat, sharing a place this special to us with our loved ones is half the experience this time. To sneak my brother and his family into the mix would mean a lot to them both. 

We started the day at 5am, car packed and raring to go. By the 100th game of ‘guess the song, its singer/band and year of release’ we had waved hello to the Angel of the North and counted down the last few miles to stop number one. Alnwick has so very much to offer and we had to cram the highlights in in just 7 hours. First up, shopping! The town is so pretty and had plenty of charity shops piled high with books to please my dad’s literary eye. There was even a craft market that took their fancy and a passing puppy that took mine. With lunch on the horizon we made our way into the grounds of Alnwick castle and after a quick sandwich break it was onto the next stop: crazy golf! It’s called the Forgotten Garden and transports your mind back to the ‘Honey I shrunk the kids’ movie. Among the beautiful plants and tall trees there are huge sculptures of bugs. A giant, lazy earthworm, two flapping winged bees atop a hive and a very naughty spider. At £4 a person it was an absolute delight and I’m imploring you to go if you ever visit Alnwick. In fact, here’s the link: https://www.alnwickgarden.com/families/golf/

I don’t get anything for sharing the link apart from the knowledge that it helps you and spreads the joy of this place. I’m sure I was distracted by the impending suprise arrival of the family that I came last, yes of course that’s why, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Unfortunately they were held up finding a car park and I wondered how to play the part of an aloof distraction. However, help in the form of ice cream arrived and I spent way too long eating a small tub of banoffee ice cream that I think Mr W at least suspected something was afoot. 

The plan was for Mr W and I to go our own way for a few hours while our ‘guests’ visited the castle. Starring as the backdrop in the first two Harry Potter films the castle is a must visit to all Hogwarts fans. But where was my brother? Heaven sent me another saving grace in the form of rain and we took shelter under a tree. I took the opportunity to ask Mr W to take some photos buying me more time as the sneaky one raced her family through the castle to our location. Swapping places with Mr W I was able to click away as my brother snuck up behind my dad and the surprise was unleashed. 

It’s a happy blur that my tired brain will no doubt let me visit again after a deep night’s sleep. But my niece raced at me with hugs and we all stood beneath the tree sheltering from the rain and in each other’s arms. Happy sighs cascaded from our mouths as the rain fell from above and encased us under the tree and in the moments glow. 

Happy sighs. 

Splitting up for a brief while Mr W and I turned back to spend some time in Alnwick Gardens. Expecting rows of roses, lines of lupins and tamed topiary I found myself proven very wrong indeed. Taking up a huge amount of the garden is an absolutely enormous multi-levelled fountain that screamed ITALY so loudly I could practically smell the pizza, pasta and prosecco. But no, we are in the North-East of England. After a quick cuppa, we head on a tour of the poison garden, through beautiful crafted tunnels of hornbeam that reach 15ft into the air and create a nest of green away from the heat of the day and into the stunning ornamental gardens. We follow the streams that bubble over pebbles down the staggered steps towards a curving cascade of bushes that create a serpentine maze that hugs individual illuminating water features. Made of metal they gleam like highly polished mirrors in the 3pm sun. It all became clear, whilst sipping my tea I saw a young boy of 8 or 9 in trunks with a towel about his shoulders. These water features are to be engaged with. To be seen, touched and enjoyed. We make our way around them, casually reaching out fingertips to touch the cool water on the humid day. They are fascinating. Mr W sends cascades of water my way. I flicked it back. We take pictures in the reflections. We laugh. We are giddy. 

Happy again, this time in a moment of child-like innocence. Pure and free from all adult concerns. Nose dripping from the water falling from my forehead and hair, we return to our family and feel a million miles from home and yet closer to our sense of being than we have in a very long time.