For better, for worse.

That’s the wedding vow isn’t it.

I never would have anticipated the sheer amount of stress my mental health would put my husband under.

Today after a long day on the road for work, he drove me to another shop in search of a dress and then an outfit for an upcoming trip.

He hung around outside of the changing rooms. While I pulled on uncomfortable items. One after one. Short length jeans that were still too long, hey I’m 5’5, that’s average! A simple dress that draped on the floor making it unwearable. And a jacket that creased like paper everytime I moved my arms. Let me be clear here. I’m not complaining. I’m bemused. I went to the one shop near me that caters to my size and came away empty handed. Mr W was the dutiful husband who said everything looked fine, but truth be told, I wasn’t willing to spend money on something I didn’t wholly love in the mirror.

And even though yesterday I was upset, today I’m just bemused. I’m laughing that at average height I still found the trousers and dress too long. It’s funny that every item of clothing came up differently on my body. Sizewise I mean. I tried on a range of four sizes and I walked away feeling exceptionally picky.

So for one of the first times in my life I didn’t settle. It would have been easy for sure. If the shoe fits, wear it right? But god what ugly, ill made shoes! I do make myself laugh!

Walking away from the shop, Mr W asked if I was okay. And the truth was yes and I still am.

When I am walking around on our mini-break I will be grateful for the legs that carry me through the National Park. Not the ripped jeans I have no choice but to clothe them in. When my shoulders carry the burden of my backpack with my snacks, raincoat and water bottle, I won’t be thinking of the clothes that keep them warm.

It isn’t life or death. There will be other times and opportunities to look damn fabulous. How I react is the only control I have in this situation. And I choose happiness.

I choose to plaster a smile on my face. Not a fake, faux or little one. But a full, reaching my eyes, chipmunk cheek smile. Because nothing but our enjoyment matters on this trip. I’ll be sliding on my bum to the base of a waterfall and quite possibly catching the raindrops on my head. So me, my ripped jeans and my tatty jumper are going all in!

I deserve that. It doesn’t matter what I wear as long as a smile is on my face. Mr W deserves that. Happy times.

For better, for worse. Always

Photo by Dave Watson

Please check out his work on https://www.instagram.com/davewatson_uk/ or at https://davewatson1980.picfair.com